Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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