So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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