my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i've created a new STD.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
