I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
