I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
