This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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