No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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