Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
