was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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