I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
