You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
