I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
