Swine flu is the new snow day.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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