So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
