My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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