Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
