I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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