She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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