my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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