FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
