Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
