Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i dont even know how to be here
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
