there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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