I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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