whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There's always time for handjobs
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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