he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
