FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
