I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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