all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
