Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
