cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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