If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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