What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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