his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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