Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think your dad took our porno
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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