were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
