I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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