hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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