make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
