So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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