I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
