What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
