The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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