alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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