Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
