Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
