i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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