walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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