Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
