im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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