ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
