Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
