matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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