Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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